UmmmHere
by GreekGirl
Summary: what happens when Hermione gets drunk and tries something she's never tried before. HG/DM Oneshot  A/N: Based on a true story lol  Lemon&Smut!  I promise you won't regret reading this, all the reviews so far love itt!


**"Ummm… Here…"**

**Draco and Hermione Oneshot**

**(Based on a true story)**

**I do not own these characters, I do take credit for this story line though. It's based on**

**a true story of ummm….my friend… yeah that works ;) lol**

**I also am not going to do the full hook up with this story because then it'll seem too much like any other oneshot that can get really old**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Hermione stumbled over the entryway when the portrait opened to her head girl/ head boy common room. She decided that next time she would make sure she didn't drink so much after another Hogwarts dance. She couldn't tell her thoughts apart from her actions.

Finally she made it to the couch by the empty fireplace. With a flick of her wand she made a warm, delicious roaring fire spring up from nowhere. Hermione felt her head spinning more and more rapidly as she tried to get up to go to her room.

Hermione got up and immediately fell over onto the carpet sprawled out. She decided to just stay there till she felt better.

Moments later her unfortunate roommate entered the room, groaning a little bit. Draco plopped himself down on the couch when he finally noticed Hermione snoring on the carpet. He burst out laughing.

Hermione awoke with a start and looked up at where the cackling laughter was coming from. She groaned a little bit and tried picking her heaving body up off the floor.

"Don't laugh Malfoy it's not funny. I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"Oh what's wrong Granger, can't handle your liquor?" Draco snickered, "Obviously you don't know the correct way to solve this problem."

"Oh Malfoy? And what would that be?"

"Well it's obvious isn't it? You have to drink more!" Draco concluded as he produced a bottle of firewhiskey from his dress robes.

"Now, normally I would never help a mudblood but you just looked so pathetic lying on the floor that I wanted to see just how disgustingly drunk your mudblood ass can get." Malfoy said with a smirk on his face.

"You, Draco Malfoy, are a complete arse!"

"So you don't want a drink?" Draco asked.

"Of course I do, I just had to say that. Now pass that bottle over!"

(Twenty minutes later)

Draco and Hermione had almost finished the bottle.

"Do you want the last bit Draco?" Hermione asked as she rolled around the floor and rolled right into Draco's legs.

"I'll let you have it if you give me a blowjob." Draco grinned.

"What! Draco Malfoy you are the most disgusting git I have ever met!" Hermione screamed.

"Awww Come on Granger, you can't tell me that you haven't thought about doing something like that all night?" Draco said as he moved his head closer to hers.

Hermione didn't know what to say. She was too stunned and drunk to push Draco away and instead listened to the alcohol that was coursing through her blood and moved her head into Draco's as their lips met.

His lips were warm and wet and moving fast around her own. She felt his tongue find its way into her mouth as he massaged her mouth with it. She let out a little moan that prompted him to grab her hand and move it down right on top of his groin.

"Draco no, I, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I've…I've never done that before…"

"Well then why don't I teach you?" Draco pleaded.

Hermione's head was spinning. She wanted to say yes as she swayed from left to right. When she opened her mouth no words came out, instead she just fell over headfirst into his lap.

"I guess that means yes." Draco concluded.

Hermione turned her head and looked up at him with an apprehensive look on her face and gave him a curt nod.

"Ok well first start out but rubbing my dick a bit," Draco stated as he grabbed her hand and placed it on his genitals.

_Thank God I'm drunk otherwise there is no way I'd be able to do this!, _Hermione thought excitedly.

She started rubbing around but got too excited and started unbuttoning his trousers. She yanked them off his legs so hard that she pulled his entire body with her strength so his angled back ended up hitting the floor but she didn't care. She had to get to that penis as soon as possible.

She finally pulled down his boxers to reveal Draco in all his glory. His penis looked big. She couldn't really be sure since she'd never seen one though but she thought she should tell him since she heard that's what guy's liked to hear.

"Bloody Hell Malfoy! Your penis is GINORMOUS!" marveled Hermione drunkenly.

Draco laughed and wondered why he was still hanging out with the mudblood.

_Damn alcohol._

"Okay Granger, now, I want you to start out by spitting out your hand and move it up and down on my cock."

"Like this?"

Hermione started rubbing her hand along Draco's dick but was petting it more than rubbing it.

"No Granger, God, how are you the smartest student here? Put your hand around it like your holding an ice cream cone!"

"Oh. Like this?"

"Better."

Draco leaned his head back and closed his eyes and Hermione started getting really into it. She started using two hands to give him more and more pleasure.

"Draco, what do I do now?"

"Well now Granger you need to put it in your mouth. Just remember, don't use any teeth. That hurts like hell. Pretend your eating an ice cream cone."

Hermione looked at the penis as she grabbed it. Slowly she lowered her head down into Draco's lap as she looked at the tall pink popsicle. She opened her mouth and lowered her head more till his penis hit the back of her mouth, gagging a little. She closed her lips around it and started moving her head up and down. She started doing that for awhile and then used her hand to rub the part of the penis she couldn't get to with her mouth. Ten minutes later her neck, back and jaw were hurting but she continued because Draco was too busy moaning to tell her what to do and she didn't want to stop and ruin it for him but how long was she supposed to do this? When would it end? She wished she talked to someone about this or did some research beforehand. Draco moaned a little louder.

"I'm coming!" he sputtered.

Hermione paused, mid blow and looked up at him and let out a garbled, "Hmmm?"

"Keep going!" Draco demanded as he pushed her head back down.

Hermione continued what she was doing but was so confused. Where was he coming from? What was going on?

Suddenly Draco let out a loud, long, staggered moan and Hermione felt something liquidly hit the back of her throat.

_Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Did he just pee in my mouth? What the heck was that?_

She continued to bob her head and rub her hand on his shaft when she opened her mouth to breath quickly when this white gloppy liquid dripped out of her mouth onto her hand.

"Ok Granger, that was fantastic, you can stop now." Draco mumbled.

Hermione lifted her head up and swallowed what was left in her mouth. As Draco was scratching his head she looked down into her hand and noticed that there was a huge puddle of the white stuff in her hand and she didn't know what to do so she frantically began to look for a way to get rid of the stuff.

"Wow Mudblood, I didn't know you had it in you. Your as dirty as your blood is." Draco snickered.

Hermione was too stunned to say anything. She stared at the puddle in her hand and slowly moved her head up and looked at Draco. What was she supposed to do with it? Not saying anything she slowly held the cum in her hand out to Draco and said,

"Ummm…here…"

The End

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**Ok so this literally is based on a true story lol. Every word of the ending is true. The alcohol part was made up for the story but this actually happened lol. I hope you find it funny. I was worried about the ending because I wasn't sure if anyone would get what happened but if your confused or if you find this hilarious please post a review and feel free to message me lol. It's a funny story.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**3 GreekGirl**


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